I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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