I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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