3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
