bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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