Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
