I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
