that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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