i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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