Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
