Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
