I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
