So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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