So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh god it's open bar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
