I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
