DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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