I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
