yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
