well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
