we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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