Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
