I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
