So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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