what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
