24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
