I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
