Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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