I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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