I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
