I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
