My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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