is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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