Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My dick has a subreddit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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