I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want to fling myself into the sun
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
