Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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