Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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