Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
