Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
