I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
