Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
