Slut skills are useful in every country.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
