I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
