Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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