Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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