She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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