Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
