All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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