I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
