Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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