I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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