I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
