My liver just broke up with me...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
