Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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