he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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