We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
