when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
