He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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