I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
