i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
