oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
