hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
