Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
