Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
