i need an iv and a liver transplant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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