he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
