I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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