Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
