and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
