remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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