No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
