At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
