Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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