He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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