so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
