Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
