How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she peed on how many people?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
