so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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